Hey Gorgeous!
This is a slightly different Refill because I want to share my showcase story with you. Read it below or watch me deliver it on stage in the video at the end.
This story and the framework that’s featured in my upcoming book have inspired my newest workshop offering, which you can learn about here.
I pulled up my final grades on the computer in my mom’s living room, saying a silent prayer that I had skated by and passed Architecture studio. But when the page loaded, I finally saw the truth…
A big fat D for an architecture course that counted as 50% of my GPA… putting my scholarship on the line.
Earlier that year, my professor looked me in the eyes and asked: “Would you rather wake up every day and do architecture, or wake up and write.”
I thought back to all those nights I’d sat on the floor of the architecture studio. While my classmates worked diligently on their cardboard models, cutting and gluing… All I could do was keep pressing skip on my portable CD player to find a song that would motivate me to get to work.
In my gut, I knew the answer to my professor’s question. But I couldn’t accept it.
My entire identity was wrapped up in being an architecture major! I couldn’t waste 6 years of hard work and sacrifice. And I certainly didn’t want to be seen as one of those people who just couldn’t make it in architecture.
I believed the safe and practical choice was to ignore the signs and keep going through the motions.
That’s until I saw the truth of that D on my transcript…
My heart dropped into my stomach, with a knowing that I deserved that D.
I couldn’t fake it anymore. I got to work looking for a different major, and hours later my body felt tired and tense.
I went to my mom’s bathroom and soaked in a tub of hot water until she got home and found me there, hugging my knees and staring off into space.
As soon as I began to articulate the words, “I’m decided not to be in architecture anymore,” tears burned my eyes. Heat flushed through my body as months of depressed feelings and suppressed truth finally found release.
I went back to school the next semester as an English major, where I did get to wake up every day and write.
My depression lifted, and I was so excited to attend my English classes that I’d wake up before dawn with no alarm clock and be the first student in the classroom each day.
I was home! Friends saw my transformation and said: “You’re actually glowing!”
Twenty years later when I looked around my New York apartment on a snowy Sunday morning, incense burning, warm mug at my side, and my complete manuscript in front of me…
I realized I am now living the answer to my professor’s question–I am a writer.
Having the courage to face and follow my truth was the most practical magic I could perform in this lifetime. It’s allowed me to wake up every day and write a life story I love. That is worth the discomfort of breaking expectations, especially my own.
As long as I’m alive, my story is a work in progress. My only task is to keep turning the page.
You’ve been holding on to the seemingly safe and practical choice, and it’s draining your spirit.
You can also turn the page.
You can also turn the page.
You can also turn the page.
What would it take for you to write a brand new chapter?
Let’s explore that question live on May 6th. Click below to join me.